


Touch

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Gay Character, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lesbian Character, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Character, Past Abuse, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:00:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27586445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: !!!ALL CNC MEMBERS ARE AGED UP IN THIS FIC, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!!!These are only the personas of the CNC and have nothing to do with the real ones. I write to cope with trauma and this is mainly me projecting onto the characters. This was partially a vent that I and one of my friends on Twitter acted out in roleplay form and translated to a fic. Please enjoy and stay safe, trigger warnings in tags. No character tags so we don't get hate.I am able to reclaim all slurs said in this fic. Abi will be refered to as he/they pronouns, Lily will be she/they.My native language is French.
Collections: Anonymous





	Touch

Abi carried his hair balled into his fist. This isn't right, he thought. He pathetically held himself high perched onto the bathroom counter. This isn't normal, be thought to himself. Real girls don't cry when their boyfriends break up with them. Real girls don't cry when they're called a girl or when someone uses feminine pronouns directed at them.

I'm not a real girl. I'm not like them, he thought to himself. Lily and Vamp were proud girls, weren't they? Were other girls not ashamed of their disgusting and wrong bodies? Switching pronouns just wasn't enough anymore and he was too ashamed to tell anyone his real name especially because of the newfound fame of the Cringe Normie Crusaders.

Abi took out his knife and shed his shirt. Don't need this, he thought to himself. He slowly tore the bandages from his chest; wincing with weak and shattered breaths. He drew the knife gently across his chest: carving symbols and words that resonated with his trauma.

Useless.

Faggot.

Retard.

Tranny.

Victim.

He never had a break: once his ex discovered Abi's dysphoria he had worked with him trying to pick new pronouns and a new name, and ever since she left Abi has had nothing to give her reason to carry on anymore: because nobody would care. The other members of the channel don't even know his pain or his pronouns or any of his struggles with his gender identity;

And he couldn't be bothered to tell them. He couldn't tell them how wrong and deformed and ugly his body was. Of course he had been complimented at his school and by friends for his looks: however he was always called out for his feminine build and proportions.

When he ended his cutting session he thought to himself and pondered anxiously while shaking aggressively.

"Nobody wants me here. The others are better off without me bringing them down with all of this." He smiled a sick and twisted smile as he picked up the phone and dialed Lily.

"Hiya Abi," pain struck him from hearing that disgusting female name. "What's up? Vamp and I are just preparing for the new video so you caught us off guard, hehe,"

"Lily, do you know how long I've suffered in silence? After the... After he touched me. After all I've done to all of you and all of the pain, how do you ever recover?" Lily froze as her breath hitched; Abi could feel the tension from the other side. "A-Abi," Lily stuttered. "Is this one of your Schizophrenic episodes, and do you remember our breathing exercises?" Abi hung up and threw the phone across the wall.

This wasn't just an episode. This was the end. Abi picked up the knife and plunged it into his throat.


End file.
